That felt good. That felt perfect. I want more

I can't reveal much about the Triple M-D Last Hurrah super secret/masonic/ritualistic gathering my girl friends and I had last Thursday. Just a small remark that was made the next morning as we sat around the breakfast table talking about different things we and our friends had been "Pinning".

"Pintrest is life changing." I said as I giggled.

Which I then followed with, "No, I'm serious."

And I am serious. I joined Pintrest  a month or 6 weeks ago and I feel like I've made some really great changes in my life since then. I cook more, I find new and creative ways to teach and entertain my son, I feel inspired to eat and live healthier and I feel a kinship with the women on the site who are looking to better their lives and inspire each other by sharing what motivates them, what makes them laugh and helps them to express what they are feeling through art, photography, and writing.

Even my Mother-in-law who joined shortly after me linked this article on her facebook, which by the way I have yet to read because I've been too busy pinning, but based on the title I'm going to guess it's a positive piece on the amazing, life changing effects of using Pintrest, otherwise I may have just made an ass of myself linking it to this pro-Pinning blog post. Pintrest may be life changing but obviously has not changed the fact that I have a awful habit of jumping to conclusions before checking facts.

Onward.

Today from 2pm-4pm, as my son napped, I sat in my bed, eating Sweet & Spicy Doritos from the bag while cursing my sister in between bites (she introduced me to them last year) and Pinning. As I go back and forth to my home board I keep catching a glimpse of how many other Pinners, specifically women, had re-Pinned something of mine that I had been lucky enough to come across on the main page a couple of days ago. This specific Pin was the blog of a woman who lost 135 pounds. After I put this blog on my health and fitness board I sat and read it for a few hours and was touched by her sincere and honest style of writing. She was able to say things that I have felt but in the most beautiful way. A way that could make anyone who sneers at over weight people find an understanding with the struggle.

I sat and looked at that list of Pinners, re-Pinning this woman's blog  and then looked down at my hand, paused inside of the Doritos bag, and I felt sick. The words from her blog ran through my head.

Her are links to 3 of her posts titled, "What I Miss About Being Fat" parts 1,2 and 3.

"What I Miss About Being Fat,part 1"

"What I Miss About Being Fat, part 2"

"What I Miss About Being Fat, part 3"

And then read her posts titled "My Exercise History".

"My Exercise History, part 1"

"My Exercise History, part 2"

"My Exercise History, part 3"

After getting over the amount of Doritos I had eaten, I waited for Henry to wake up, put on my shoes, got him dressed and went for a walk.

Just 2 weeks ago I was jog-walking a mile in 11 1/2 minutes, which was a huge accomplishment for me, and then life got busy with the upcoming move and guests staying and I stopped exercising. It was easy to put it aside because my shins were killing me and my body was not adjusting well to the shock of exercise that I thrust it into so quickly. I was feeling I had good reason to put it to a temporary halt. But my history will show that the halts are never just that. Unless you call 2 years in between active exercise temporary.

 I hate the pain my body has to go through when I exercise. It makes me hate doing things that aren't exercise at all. It makes me avoid things that sound like exercise but aren't. Like walking. I used to love walking. As a kid I was always walking all over the small town I grew up in. I walked to my friends house, to the convenience store and to the beach. But as an over weight adult I've associated walking with exercise when I shouldn't. Walking is healthy. Walking is therapeutic. Walking is a sensory exercise. It opens up my mind to so many things.

Smells. The smell of the ocean. The smell of people cooking dinner for their families. The smell of laundry detergent blowing through the dryer vents. The smell of fresh cut grass.

Sounds. The birds, of all kinds, talking to each other. The cars going up and down the high way. The dogs barking as we walk past their fences. The trees rustling with the breeze. (I think I'll break into Colors of the Wind right about now.)

Sites. The kids riding their bikes on the side walk, the nutty rat-squirrels running around, the ocean over the sand dunes, the soldiers pulling into their drive ways after a long day at work.


I love walking. Why don't I do it every day? Why don't I walk everywhere? I have the time. I have the legs. I have the love for it.

So when I set out on my walk today I knew I wasn't going to run. I wasn't going to time myself and I wasn't going to measure how far I'd gone. I walked slow enough to enjoy everything around me but also with an eager pace,wanting to see, hear and smell more. I let my sons stroller do most of the guiding through the roads and side walks and ended back home thinking,

"That felt good. That felt perfect. I want more."