Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Beauty Product and the Beast: a review/rant of zero importance.

Disclaimer: The following post is guaranteed to put you to sleep so it is not recommend to readers who are driving or operating any type of industrial equipment. Reading blogs and being on the Internet in general is not recommended for drivers or industrial workers while on the job. Neither is reading books or texting or anything else that may increase your odds of having a accident that could result in the loss of limbs.

I don't know what's happened to me. I have, for the most part, never been loyal to a beauty product. I've used the same brand of CG mascara since I was 12 except for maybe a handful of times that a new product looked promising. But even when CG mascara changed their brush I wasn't mad. I loved it. No, I am not weird about beauty product loyalty.

My hair is just ok. My PCOS has severely thinned it out in the front and my hair has gone from thick and beautiful to thin and frizzy in the last 15 years but I've manage with some very limited styling skills to make do. When I got to Georgia I knew I was going to have to look for a product to tame it in the humidity. My hair is so long that I sweat even in 45 degree weather  if I'm out and about and that's when the frizz /poofy problem starts up. I didn't want to pay 20+ bucks for 2 ounces of a professional product that might not work so I decided to start trying out some products from the hair care isle in Walmart first. I saw a small bottle of a Dove product that described on it's bottle exactly what I was looking for (smoothing creme that controls up to 100% frizz for 24 hours) and at less than 5 bucks for a 4 ounce bottle I thought it was worth a try. I loved it immediately.

My hair has started doing something really bizarre in the last 5 years. Straight out of the shower, if I tried to put a product in my hair it would soak it up like a sponge and even after blow drying it would look clumpy-greasy. Like I hadn't washed it in weeks. It has baffled many a hair stylist that I warned only to be reassured and then 10 minutes later have my head back in the sink, re-washing the product out. So, when I misread the instructions, put the product in my hair from root to ends and THEN re read to see I was suppose to avoid my roots I was pissed that I was going to have to get back in the shower and re wash my hair. I decided to just blow dry my hair anyway and was pleasantly surprised that my hair didn't look greasy. Just very shiny. Sure, I was definitely going to have to wash it the next day but I was still really happy. Not only that but if I find that I didn't put enough in my hair before I blow dried it I can put it in my dry hair and in ten minutes it looks dry again and even smoother. I even use it and then let my hair air dry wavy. I mean really, the true testament is that I can sweat like those overweight cowboys on Texas Storage Wars and my hair stays tame, smooth and luxurious.

This all being said, last week my Dove leave in smoothing creme ran out. I went to Walmart and they were out. I went to Target and they were out. I thought immediately how I joked with Andrew, "Watch, this is going to work great for me and then they will discontinue it."

Yes I actually said those exact words. I freaking jinxed myself. I knew something was up if both major stores were out so I went online to their pages. All local Walmarts and Targets were out of stock and not selling through their web page. I checked the local Walgreens and CVS websites, they were also out of stock and not selling online. Next stop, Amazon. Some one, some A-hole was selling a 4 pack for over 80 dollars. This was when I realized that I was REALLY right. They must have discontinued it. But why? A professional haircare product company had rated it 4.5 stars out of 5. My guess now is that maybe it was such a great product that Dove sold it to a company who will sell it for 3 times as much as a salon product. Or maybe I'm just the last person in the US to know about it and it flies off the shelves all the time.

Today I decided to check Walmarts site to see if other locations farther away had the product in stock. A store just across the border in South Carolina said they did but when I got there it was not on the shelf and the ladies who worked there said there was none in the back, even though they didn't use their little scanners to check. They insisted that my hair looked great. LIARS! It was a a freaking mess. The hair product that I bought to try and replace the Dove creme actually made my hair more frizzy. How does that even happen?

ANYWAAAAYY, long and excruciating beauty related post short, (or not) I decided to stop at the Walgreens across from Walmart of LIARS, South Carolina and see if by some miracle they had any and by the beard of Thor they did!!!! 3 bottle and none left in stock (of course I asked). I bought all 3. I had a huge smile on my face, the smile of a true victor. This was the freaking Hunger Games of beauty products and I beat everyone to the Cornucopia and was willing to take lives to make it out of the store with the last of it!

Tomorrow my hair will be soft and smooth and manageable and all will be right with the world again.

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